Brian's Choice Read online

  Brian stared at his reflection in the long, one-way mirror. Had his future turned on a happenchance ride from a stranger? Or was it one more way that God had directed his path? “The farmer’s vehicle broke down in Cody’s Creek. Imagine that, Officer Bynum. What are the odds that the truck I’m riding in would break down in one of the few places in Oklahoma with an Amish community?”

  Bynum shrugged, but he was watching Brian closely, interested in the rest of the story.

  “Suddenly I was tired. Tired of running, tired of the guilt and pain. I just wanted to be still, be in one place, and appreciate the life God had given me.” He waved his hand. “I found a few odd jobs and in the process met Levi Troyer. The rest is pretty straightforward.”

  “Straightforward? You decide to give up everything—nearly all the conveniences of modern society—and become Amish, one of the most conservative sects in the country. How is that straightforward?”

  Now Brian smiled. “Perhaps it was the horse and buggies. Remember, I didn’t want to ever drive again.” Then he grew serious. “When I was sitting beside that reflection pond at the memorial site in Oklahoma City, I told God that if He gave me a new life I wouldn’t waste it. I wouldn’t squander it like I had the old one. A week later I was eating Dutch apple pie and drinking coffee with Levi. He took me in, taught me about a simple faith, a dedicated work ethic, the meaning of being a neighbor to one another. Why wouldn’t I become Amish?”

  Bynum sat back, studying Brian as if he didn’t know what to say.

  “I was confronted with a choice. I knew I couldn’t go back to California, but I could continue wandering. Or I could accept the new life I was faced with. A life that honored God and allowed me to be a part of a community again.”

  One minute, then two ticked by. Finally, Bynum reached forward and opened the folder. Brian glimpsed copied pages of a journal, and he recognized the handwriting.

  “What about Stella? What about the fact that she had a major crush on you, that she wrote about running away with you and the two of you marrying? What do you say about that? How does that figure into your choice?”

  Brian was only mildly surprised. His policy regarding student infatuations had always been to ignore them. After a few weeks or months, they passed. Only this time, a young girl’s fantasies could incriminate him.

  “I had nothing to do with Stella’s disappearance. She was a student in my class, and I did my best to teach her and guide her. I would never hurt her or anyone else, and if you don’t believe that, then I suggest you get out of your office and start interviewing people from our community.” He stood, reached forward, and tapped the pages. “Or maybe you’ve already done that. Maybe you have nothing to go on but the pages of a young girl’s diary. Either way, we’re done here.”

  Then Brian walked around the table and out of the police station.

  FIFTEEN

  The ride home in the buggy was quiet.

  Levi chuckled once when they passed a tractor driven by John Yoder. The tractor pulled the bed of a Ford pickup truck filled with Amish teens. All waved at the bishop and Brian.

  The sight would have been odd to Brian a few years ago, but now he understood that it was merely teens having fun on a Friday night. They were probably headed to town for ice cream. Even in an Amish community, teenagers needed places to congregate and ways to celebrate the end of a school week.

  Levi pulled up in front of Brian’s house. No words were needed. He slapped the schoolteacher on the back, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and then he drove away.

  Brian walked into his house, thinking that perhaps it was good news no one had found any trace of Stella. Maybe it meant she was okay after all. He walked into his kitchen, wondering what he would throw together for a late dinner, and was brought up short by a wonderful smell.

  The oven in his gas stove was on and set to its lowest setting. When Brian opened the door, he found a chicken casserole, some baked vegetables, and a fresh peach pie. The Amish in Cody’s Creek virtually never locked their doors. It seemed that someone had taken advantage of that and left him a bit of encouragement.

  He ate his fill and then stored the leftovers in the refrigerator. Within thirty minutes he was sound asleep in his bed.

  Brian woke the next day as the morning sky lightened. A few minutes later he stumbled into the kitchen and set coffee to boiling on the stove. Staring into his nearly empty refrigerator, he realized he had neglected to grocery shop the week before. He was reaching for the leftover chicken casserole when he heard a knock on his front door.

  Hurrying to open it, he was surprised to find Katie looking pretty and fresh in the October dawn. Seeing no buggy, he assumed she had walked over from her sister’s home. What caused her to rise and head to his house so early in the morning?

  “We thought you could use some breakfast. JoAnna made fresh raisin bread yesterday.”

  “You saved me. I was about to eat chicken casserole.” Brian wanted to invite her in, but he realized that might be inappropriate. “I just made coffee. We could sit on the porch and enjoy the bread if you can stay.”

  “Ya. That’s a gut idea.”

  Once they were settled and had watched the sun fully rise, Katie asked him about what had happened the day before at the police station. He told her everything, including the story of his journey to Cody’s Creek.

  “I remember the first time I saw you,” she said, glancing at him and then away.

  “Yes?”

  “You were standing at the front of the classroom, and I had just arrived with my nephews.”

  “The first day of school. It feels like years ago.”

  Katie laughed. “You looked none too pleased to see me.”

  “I was expecting a young girl just out of eighth grade.”

  “So you were disappointed?” Katie’s smile grew, brightening Brian’s day as much as the sunshine splashing across his fields.

  “No. I was not disappointed in you, Katie. I wouldn’t have made it through the last few months of learning to teach again—learning to teach differently—without you.”

  Katie sipped her coffee and then said, “Tell me about Bridgette.”

  “I’ll need more coffee for that.” He carried their mugs to the kitchen, refilled them, and then returned to the porch. Somehow it wasn’t as difficult as he imagined to speak of Bridgette. How she was before, and how she was now.

  “So she’ll walk again?”

  “Yes. She’s already making great progress. She writes to me occasionally, and my parents do as well.” Brian waited for the familiar sorrow to pierce his heart, but it didn’t. Perhaps he’d learned to accept Bridgette’s forgiveness as well as God’s.

  “What do your parents think of your choice to become Amish?”

  “They don’t understand it. They keep saying they’ll visit, but I think they’re afraid. So far they’ve only sent letters.”

  “Maybe someday…”

  “I hope so. I pray they will.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever go back?”

  “To California?”

  “To being Englisch.”

  “No. That was a one-way path for me,” he said gently.

  “I’m glad.” She looked as if she wanted to say more, but the morning’s quiet was broken by the sound of a buggy approaching.

  Moses Miller and Samuel Schwartz waved hello.

  “We’ve come to help plant your winter crop, Brian,” Moses said cheerily.

  Katie claimed she had to return to help her sister with the cleaning. “Church is at our place tomorrow. You’ll be there?”

  “Of course.”

  As he joined Moses and Samuel in the field, it occurred to Brian that this was his family now, his community. There may be one or two that would have their suspicions, that would wonder if he was involved with Stella’s disappearance, but within every group there was always a few individuals who remained skeptical of new members. It wasn’t just because he was Englisch. No doubt they
would treat new Amish families the same way.

  Brian could either focus on those few negative folks or embrace those who supported him. With Moses on his left and Samuel on his right, the decision wasn’t all that hard.

  SIXTEEN

  Katie paused for a moment to watch as Brian entered her sister’s home. First, two of the boys from the upper grades stopped him. Something they said caused him to smile and nod. Before he could move away from the front door, Joseph pulled him aside. She guessed he was talking about an order at the dry goods store he owned, because Brian ran a hand up and around the back of his neck and then nodded in agreement. He’d barely moved forward when Samuel caught up with him. Samuel rarely had a word for anyone, yet he was standing there and keeping Brian from finding a seat. She heard just enough to know they were talking crops and tractors.

  “Best stop staring, little schweschder. The benches are filling up.”

  And so they were, though Katie didn’t mind if she had to sit near the back. The floors gleamed and the smell of baking filled the house. It would be a good Sunday morning. She knew that with a certainty as she moved toward her seat.

  She was stopped by the sight of Bishop Levi striding toward Brian. He said something too low for her to catch. Brian frowned and they moved out toward the front porch. What was that about? Had something else happened?

  The singing was beginning, so she hurried to sit next to her sister. Later in the service, she looked up from her Bible and caught Brian staring at her. She held his gaze a moment before glancing back down at the book in her lap. Did he have any idea how much she cared for him? Should she have said as much yesterday morning? It was the perfect opportunity, but she hadn’t wanted to interrupt his story, his confession about his past life.

  The service passed with a blur of songs, Scripture, and preaching. When they sang “Just a Closer Walk with Thee,” she thought again of Brian’s story. He had dealt with more adversity than most men his age, but it had brought him into a closer walk with God. She’d moved to her sister’s in the hope for adventure. That seemed shallow now, but she couldn’t regret it. The move had brought her closer to JoAnna, showed her that she loved teaching, and introduced her to Brian. Had the move affected her walk with God? Had she ever considered such a thing?

  Katie spent much of the remainder of the service in prayer. She prayed God would use her, He would guide and direct her, and He would satisfy the ache in her heart. Was it wrong to pray for such things? She didn’t think so. Bishop Levi ended their worship time that morning by reading out of the book of Psalms, chapter thirty-seven, verse four. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

  With those words ringing in her ears, Katie closed her Bible and mentally went through a checklist of what she should do to help her sister with dinner. Other women around her were picking up small children, gathering their purses, straightening a kapp here and an apron there. But all of that stopped when Levi asked the congregation to remain a little while longer.

  “I had a visit this morning from Daniel and Margaret.” A flurry of whispers quieted when Levi raised his hand. “It’s gut news I have to share with you. Stella is fine.”

  Now conversation loudly broke out throughout the room. Katie heard snatches of “Praise Gotte” and “Wunderbaar news” and “I knew that girl would be fine.”

  Once everyone had calmed down, Levi continued. “Your help in searching for her and your prayers for her and the entire family are a wunderbaar testament of God’s love and how we are to be the hands and feet of Christ to one another.”

  He cleared his throat and continued. “I ask that you continue to bathe the Stutzmans in prayer as Stella returns to our community and their family strives to return to normal.”

  Levi didn’t give them any details. Katie hadn’t really expected him to. Still, as she served casseroles, she wondered if those details were what he’d shared with Brian on the front porch before the service began.

  More than an hour passed before she had a chance to sit down and eat. She’d plopped the first bite of ham into her mouth when Brian sat down beside her.

  “You’re looking awfully pretty this morning, Katie.”

  “Danki.” She reached for her glass of water and washed down the bite she hadn’t properly chewed. “It’s gut news about Stella.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Do you know what happened?”

  He glanced left and then right before leaning forward and lowering his voice. “I wouldn’t want to spread their business, but as you are a teacher in the school, it’s understandable you would want to know the details.”

  “And?”

  “Stella called her parents from Tulsa. She’d gone there with some Englisch friends.”

  “Tulsa?”

  “What I didn’t tell you, what I was embarrassed to tell you, was that the afternoon Stella stayed after school, she…well, she admitted her feelings for me.”

  Katie sat back and stared at him. She didn’t know what to say.

  “I had noticed she had something of a crush on me, but I didn’t think it was so serious. When she told me how she felt, I thanked her and told her it would pass.”

  “You thanked her?”

  “What else was I supposed to say?”

  “I don’t know, Brian, but no girl wants to be thanked when she confesses her love.”

  He waved away her objections. “Perhaps someone could fall in love at fourteen, but I doubt Stella did. It was only that I was different and she was attracted to that.”

  “But you aren’t different. You’re one of us.”

  He squeezed her hand and then continued. “She didn’t think her parents would worry. Older girls had left for a few days during their rumspringa, and she never thought it was a big deal. But when she saw on the Internet—”

  “Internet?”

  “She saw on someone’s phone that I was being questioned. She said she had to come back because she couldn’t bear the thought of me taking the blame for her disappearance.”

  Katie picked up her fork. “She’s a good girl. I always knew she was.” She took a large bite of pasta salad.

  “You always knew?”

  Katie nodded.

  “There’s something else I told Stella that afternoon.” Brian was smiling now and staring at the saltshaker he was spinning round and round. When he paused and looked at her, Katie was reminded of the Scripture about her heart’s desire. “Stella said she would wait until I felt the same. I told her there was someone else I cared for, and I hoped she would find someone she loved in the same way.”

  “You told her that?”

  “I did.” He looked as if he would say more, but just then they were joined by a passel of children who were convinced their teacher would like to join a game of softball.

  Katie was left alone, eating a meal that no longer held any appeal and wondering exactly what Brian had just shared with her. As she watched him play ball, he would look occasionally her way and once he raised his hand, waving for her to join them.

  JoAnna was standing beside her. “Go on. It’s plain as the kapp on your head that he wants you with him.”

  That was all that Katie needed to hear.

  EPILOGUE

  May

  The end-of-the-year picnic had gone very well. Now Brian and Katie were closing up the schoolhouse. Actually, they were both procrastinating. The room was as clean as a brand-new buggy—both students and parents had seen to that. Brian realized he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to close the door. He wasn’t ready to spend the summer farming—or, rather, he would have been happy to farm if it meant he’d still see Katie every day.

  They walked out together, shutting and locking the door behind them. Brian pocketed the key to the building. “I’ll give this to the bishop in case anyone needs in over the summer.”

  She walked down the steps and then turned to look at him.

  “Perhaps we should come back a few weeks e
arly to work on our lesson plans together.”

  “A good idea.”

  “I have them every now and then.”

  He snagged her hand and laced his fingers with hers as they walked toward the road. After Stella was found, he’d nearly confessed his love to Katie, but he’d stopped short. Only later did he realize the reason was fear—and fear was a part of his old life, not his new one. He’d asked her to dinner the first week in January and had been seeing her socially since.

  Brian was certain of his feelings for Katie, and that they were true and would last his whole life, but she was younger. He’d wanted to give her time—time to be sure, to change her mind if need be, to pray about their life together.

  Now he pushed all those questions away, stopped in the middle of the schoolhouse lane, and pulled Katie into his arms.

  “I have a good idea.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Marry me.”

  “Marry you?”

  “Be my wife.”

  “Wife?”

  “You can teach until our first boppli arrives.”

  “Boppli?” Katie’s voice had risen with each question, and the last came out as a small screech.

  Deciding words were overrated, he framed her face with his hands and kissed her. When she finally pulled away, breathless and blushing, they continued their walk down the lane.

  “So you’re asking me to marry you?”

  “I am. It’s your choice, Katie. If you’ll have me—”

  “Of course I’ll have you, Brian. It’s what I’ve prayed for since…well, I don’t know how long.”

  “So I’m the answer to your prayers?” The smile on his face grew and he began to laugh.